Senior care expert Bernie Mellott learns benefits of hospice first-hand

Peninsula native Bernadette (Bernie) Mellott is an expert in long-term care. As the Executive Director of Ombudsman Services of San Mateo County, Inc., she runs a nonprofit dedicated to protecting the wishes and rights of people who live in licensed long-term care.

In this role, she talks to people about hospice. But she said that she didn’t truly understand just how much support it offers until her husband Tom was in his final year, and they experienced hospice care first-hand. “Mission Hospice was just great,” she says. “There’s no other way to put it.”

Bernie met Tom, a Hillsborough native, at a teen club when she was a sophomore at Notre Dame and he was a junior at Serra High School. She says, “I thought he was out of my league, but he called, so we went out.” That was the beginning of a life together that included 57 years of marriage, raising two children in San Carlos, and welcoming four grandchildren.

Tom taught Bernie to follow his beloved Giants, 49ers, and Warriors, and coached soccer and baseball even after their two children, Jacquie and Tom, were done playing. He was committed to his family, his sports teams, and his community. Bernie says, “He was a very kind person. Everyone who met Tom loved him.”

When Tom was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer in March 2020, he went through radiation treatment. The cancer caused him to need a feeding tube, which Bernie learned to manage. 

Still, the tube sometimes leaked or came out, and in his last year, he had 15 trips to the emergency department. Bernie says Tom always hated the feeding tube, and eventually said that he wanted the tube removed. His PAMF physician, oncologist Dr. Paula Kushlan, told Tom and Bernie that this meant it was time for hospice.

Tom valued his privacy and was reluctant to have anyone in his house. Bernie said she pushed back, telling him, “Honey, we either need hospice in the house or we need to find a place for you to go, because I can’t do this by myself.” They both wanted Tom to stay at home, so they followed Dr. Kushlan’s recommendation and started care with Mission Hospice in February 2021.

As it turned out, Tom came to love having his Mission Hospice team in the house, especially his nurse Linda Corell and home health aide Tommy Joe, who shared Tom’s love of classic cars.

Thanks to this support, the Mellotts’ life continued as it had, including their weekly Sunday night family dinners. Due to the pandemic, they would gather on the outdoor patio with with their kids and grandkids and the family Cocker Spaniel, Buster Posey.

The night before Tom died, the family coaxed him out of his recliner and into the hospital bed that he’d been avoiding. Bernie said he was restless, but comfortable in the bed and happy to be at home with his family and surrounded by his sports memorabilia. Tom passed away the next morning. Moments later, his dog hopped up on the bed and licked Tom on the cheek. Bernie says that Buster Posey sat right near the urn containing his ashes up until the day he was buried.

“Tom provided a fabulous life for all of us,” Bernie remembers. “I could never have kept him at home with his dog and everyone without the help of Mission Hospice. I had such trust in our Mission Hospice team. As hard as that time was for all of us, hospice was really a wonderful experience. It was the best way I could send Tom off.”

Bernie says she wishes more people knew about the benefits of hospice. She’s committed to seeing that everyone in long-term care gets the care they deserve. And now, she’s also an advocate for hospice care.

“Hospice lets you take care of your loved one at home, keep them comfortable, and have a normal life as long as possible,” says Bernie. “That’s what it’s all about.”